w/e 2024-12-01

This week I’ve been listening a lot to Charlotte Cornfield’s 2023 album, Could Have Done Anything. I can’t remember how I came across it, or why it was recently, but it’s been just right the right pace for this week.

In my head I say “Charlotte Cornfield” as Steven Toast would say it.

§ Back in Essex this week for Dad’s funeral. Over the past few weeks it’s been hard to think past this event. I’d been pretty stressed about the organisational and social aspects of it.

The organisational aspects, despite the fact we didn’t have to organise much ourselves. The funeral directors and the humanist celebrant had the funeral itself well in hand. And the nice folk at the local Labour Party hall had sorted out the reception for us. Aside from a handful of other details, ably handled by my sister, there wasn’t much to do.

And then the social aspects, which were the usual fears of being somewhat responsible for an event: How many people would turn up? Who wouldn’t come at the last minute? Would people have a good time? Would I say or do something stupid?

I’m sure that, way back, I didn’t mind organising social events. But at some point my silly stress over the no-shows and the worries about things not going right gradually put me off organising anything at all, which is a shame.

Of course, it was mostly fine. I expected to feel more emotional than I did, perhaps because of all those logistical and social worries. It was a nice ceremony, it was nice to see various people from Dad’s life, and some nice memories were shared. And it’s a relief to get to the other side, into the future, the new normal.

§ Thank you for all of the lovely comments, messages and emails after my big summary of six-months a few weeks back. I really appreciated every one.